I AM LOSING CONTROL

Lesson One: Discovering Who

I AM LOSING CONTROL (IALC) is an SDT counseling education program. The purpose of IALC is to assist you in removing any emotional roadblocks in your life’s journey. 

IALC is a four-week series of interactive lessons. We recommend working on each activity, along with your daily spiritual care. 

• Week 1 – Discovering Who 
• Week 2 – Discovering What 
• Week 3 – Discovering When 
• Week 4 – Discovering Where 

Warning: These four lessons are for educational purposes only. However, they are highly reflective and could evoke disturbing thoughts in some people. In this case, discontinue the activity and immediately call your health care provider.

Lesson One: DISCOVERING WHO

Losing the Controlling Personality

You are probably a controlling person if you:

• Continually involve yourself with the behavior of others.
• Regularly assume the responsibilities of other people. 
• Often criticize the people in your life.
• Frequently blame others when you are disappointed.
• Often experience disappointment by people in your circle.

After completing Activity one, you will:

• Stop assuming responsibility for the well-being of other functioning adults in your life. 
• Become more intentional with self-growth and self-improvement.
• Reclaim self-dignity and respect.

Introducing Dr. Les Carter, Author, Psychotherapist, & Speaker

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clear.  If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.”

Performed by Michael Jackson, 1988

Reflective Activity 1: Man (or Woman) in the Mirror

1. Make a list of all the people whose behavior, issues, or well-being genuinely concerns you. These are mostly the people you interact with the most.

• Add your name first, then add other names. 
• Take as long as you need to complete this list. It could take 5 minutes or five days. 
• Be as inclusive as you want: significant other, family, friends, work associates, someone from the evening news, etc. 
• Include individuals you’ve only heard about them from someone else. Yet, their reported actions or behaviors concern you regularly. 

2. After finalizing your list of names, go back through the list, and mark-through each person you cannot change. 

3. The rest of your attention will now go to the remaining person(s) on your list.

• Only one person’s name should remain on your list. That name is yours. 
• If you still have other names on your list, it’s ok. You’re getting there!
• Keep working to eliminate the remaining names until you are the only person left on the list.

4. Reflect on the following questions.

• After listening to Dr. Carter, do you a controlling person?
• Are you ready to commit to losing your controlling behavior? Why or why not? 
• Based on today’s lesson, what mantra can you say each day to help you remain focused on yourself instead of others?
• What other ways can you influence the behavior of the people marked-through on your list?

5. Repeat the above steps as often as you need. 

6. Continue to learn as much as possible about controlling behavior from professional resources. Remember that changing one’s behavior takes time.

Thank you for being a part of our interactive community. Your thoughts and shared experiences are valuable and needed to complete this lesson. 

Click here to share your response to a question, leave a comment, or ask a question. 

As your pastoral counselor, I confidentially view all responses. Afterward, all non-confidential responses will be posted online at https://www.selmadean.com.

Thanks. See you next week for part two!