WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID

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While looking at childhood photographs of our adult children, I thought about how much I have learned about parenting since then.

Today’s post goes out first to our son and daughters. I also include my former school students, nephews, nieces, Sunday School students, youth groups, and all other members of my “village.”

WHAT I SAID vs. WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID

I said: You must be the best.” I should have said: No. You don’t have to be the best. Do “your” best and have fun! In 30 years, neither of us will remember what “best” you were supposed to be.

I said: You’re not to blame.  I should have said:  Yes. You are to blame. It was your fault. Do not blame someone else for your mistakes. Own up to it. Apologize. 

I said: It’s your decision. I should have said: No. You don’t get to choose everything. You’re only three-years old. Here are your two choices, which one do you want?

I said: You can do it. Keep trying.  I should have said: Wow! I’m proud of you for doing your best. Maybe you should try another activity.

I said: I trust you.  I should have said: It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that you’ve already missed your curfew thirteen times this week. 

What I Learned 

  1. Hear their beliefs. As they grow older, children will explore their own beliefs about God, sexuality, and other life issues. Don’t panic if they explore views different from yours. Listen and validate their thinking without compromising your own beliefs. Your unwavering faith and commitment are traits they need to see in you consistently. (Proverbs 22:6)
  2. Encourage confidence. However, you do not have to fix every problem. While staying involved, coach your children with problem-solving. Help them to set realistic and achievable goals. (Deuteronomy 11:19)
  3. Lighten up. Don’t consciously or subconsciously blame yourself for your child’s mistakes and failures. Celebrate progress just as much, or more than accomplishment! (Matthew 19:13-14)
  4. Enjoy the journey. Plan for their future, but live in the moment with your children. Relax and enjoy every stage. Take it one day at a time. Make your family your first and foremost ministry. (Psalm 127:3)

Why I Will Not Share the Other 20 Points.

  1. Use brevity of speech when instructing your children. In their own words, “Keep it moving.” (Proverbs 17:27)

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4 thoughts on “WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID”

  1. Awesome, awesome, awesome!! I wish I could have a redo on parenting. I will pass this on to other mothers and grandmother’s.

    Reply